


what do you want from me?

by pepsicola



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Homophobic Language, M/M, always in a joking manner, bi!Levi, slightlymoreofanassholethanusual!Levi, still felt like there should be a warning though idk, used by a queer character, usually referring to himself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 10:06:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3170852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepsicola/pseuds/pepsicola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Eren leaves Mikasa for Armin, he gives a weak excuse that sends her running to confront Levi, sparking an underlying tension between the two. As Mikasa and Levi attempt to discover what they want from each other, they and the rest of the Scout Regiment must deal with the Titan threat.</p>
<p>---------</p>
<p>Mainly Levi/Mikasa with some Eren/Armin and other characters in the background. Past Mikasa/Eren (quite recent) & past Levi/Petra (about 4 years ago). There is some plot - it's not pwp or anything - but it's primarily a shipping fic. It starts slow, but later chapters will thoroughly merit the Explicit rating.</p>
<p>AU, although not drastic; mostly just a timing change. The Colossal Titan has not yet appeared outside the second wall. Mikasa/Armin/Eren are about 20, and Levi is just over 30 in this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Your Fault

                “What are you doing here?” Levi asked. His narrow eyes widened slightly as he raised them to look at the stranger. Truthfully, he didn’t need to look to know that it was Mikasa who had entered his tent. Not even in his squad of elite warriors was there anyone (besides him, of course) that could move so fluidly and silently as Mikasa. The sound, or the near-total absence of it, that she made as she walked made her identity obvious to his trained ear.

                But he looked anyway. The view was too beautiful to avoid when it wasn’t necessary to do so.

                “I was looking for you,” she replied.

                Levi snorted. “No shit. Do you think I’m an idiot? Of course you were looking for me. What I wanted to know was why.”

                Mikasa was silent.

                “Well?” His eyes narrowed again, even more than normal, as he grew impatient waiting.

                But even with the prompting, she remained quiet.

                Levi looked at her, boredom plain on his face. “I don’t have time for this shit. Get out.”

                “I… it’s Eren.” The admission was in a low voice.

                He raised an eyebrow. “First you think I’m an idiot. Now you think I’m your best girlfriend. I don’t care about your boyfriend problems.”

                “But they’re your fault.”

                “Excuse me?”

                “I saw him tonight. Just before midnight. Kissing Armin.”

                Now Levi raised both eyebrows. “What, so I’m the one who made him all faggy?” He was joking, but as always maintained a stony expression and level tone that implied he meant it as an insult.

                Mikasa clenched her hands into fists. Her voice was hard when she spoke. “Don’t call him that.”

                Levi rolled his eyes. “I don’t have the right to use that word? After all the cocks I’ve had in my mouth? Interesting.”

                Her mouth opened with a soft pop, and the captain tried unsuccessfully to avoid thoughts of pushing himself between her parted lips… he probably shouldn’t discuss sucking dick while she was around if he didn’t want to imagine her on her knees. He was jarred from the fantasy when she spoke. “You prefer men? Tell Eren. Please.”

                “What the hell? Ackerman, there’s something wrong with you.” As weird as her request was, his expression didn't change.

                “I mean… Eren left me because he thought that you liked me. He respects you. He didn’t want a fight. But if he knew you were gay…”

                “Possibly the dumbest of all the moronic things that you have said and implied is that. I’m not exactly gay.”

                “But you just said…”

                “That I’ve fucked a lot of men, yes. I’ve also fucked a lot of women.”

                Mikasa was silent for a moment as she thought.

                “Ackerman, Eren doesn’t care that I want you. Someone like that, with his fighting spirit, would fight anyone if it were for the heart of someone he was in love with. It’s an excuse. He doesn’t want to hurt you. I’ve seen how he looks at Arlert. He’s with the person he wants to be with. Even if I did give a shit about your love life, there’s nothing I could do.”

                “I’d guessed that might be it, but… I’d hoped…”

                “I don’t care.” That was a lie. He cared. If she didn’t want that boy, maybe Levi would be able to grab her, hold her tight as he kissed her with a burning intensity… well, it wasn’t important. Mikasa only had eyes for the idiot with anger management issues. It was better not to dwell on the impossible. “Now get out. Our squad has a lot of ground to cover tomorrow, and we’re leaving early. I need to sleep.” That wasn’t exactly true. Usually Levi slept for four or five hours a night. He didn’t need more. But he didn’t feel like enduring the beautiful living reminder of what he could never have that stood right in front of him.

                “I want to stay.” Her voice was emotionless, but her eyes held a fire.

                “”Excuse me?”

                Mikasa said nothing. Instead, her hands moved to her chest and started to undo the buttons on her shirt.

                In an instant, Levi jumped to his feet and seized her hands in his own. “Ackerman. No.” He hated himself for stopping her. He wanted to see her – well, more than that, but it would be a good start – but not like this. Goddammit.

                She glared defiantly. “I know what I want. You. And don’t think I didn’t hear when you said ‘that I want you’, not ‘if I want you’. You want to fuck me. So do it.”

                He paused. God, he wanted her. “No. Not when you’re like this,” he said finally. “The woman I want is rational, a fierce, intense fighter who doesn’t let sudden flares of emotion interfere with her decisions. Not a girl running from some childhood crush. I only want you if you want me. I’m not going to do this so I can help you try to cause some stupid sort of jealousy in the boy who you actually want to be with. I’m not going to be anyone’s toy or backup option.”

                “Fine,” she said coldly. She jerked out of his grip on her hands violently and moved towards the tent’s exit.

                “Ackerman,” he said suddenly, just as she was opening the tent. She didn’t look at him, but she stopped. “It’s not that you aren’t… it’s not that I don’t want you. But if we do this now, because you’re angry and you want to win Eren back with some manipulative little game… you’re going to regret it. If sometime you decide that you actually want me for my own sake, you’re free to come back. Do you understand?”

                She opened her mouth as though she were going to say something. Levi waited for the words to come until the moment when, without warning, she pushed the flaps apart and left him alone.


	2. Relaxed?

                “One thousand laps, brat.”

                “I – what?” Eren’s face showed hopeless confusion. “Why? And isn’t it dangerous to be that tired outside the wall?”

                “Not now. When we return to Trost. And as for why? Ackerman woke me up whining about her boyfriend problems last night.” Eren guiltily cast his eyes down, gritting his teeth. “Fraternization isn’t outright banned, but this is why it’s frowned upon. We don’t need teenage drama when our lives are in danger. If you’re going to end it, you deal with the emotional fallout. Don’t send them running off to make ridiculous accusations of your commanding officer.”

                “Yes, sir,” Eren’s eyes didn’t leave the ground. As usual, they looked angry, but Levi presumed it was a self-directed anger. The boy didn’t take his mistakes lightly.

                Levi turned on his heel and strode off without another word. He wondered if he’d been too harsh; admittedly, he was annoyed with Jäeger for what he’d done to Mikasa. There was an aspect of protectiveness there. That said, he felt a deep responsibility to protect not only her, but every member of the regiment, unconcerned as he might appear. And in any case, even putting those feelings aside, Eren could certainly have caused a problem by upsetting the second-best fighter humanity had. Not that he had any obligation to stay with the girl indefinitely – no one had the right to demand that – an expedition was a horrible time to end things. For fuck’s sake, they spent most of their time behind the walls. Why couldn’t he have done it then, when Mikasa’s emotional state had no effect on their chances of survival? Did the kid think anything through?

                He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sudden appearance of what appeared to be a disembodied, near-maniacal grin and wide eyes riding a horse. Once the surprise wore off (not that he’d reacted beyond a swift, nimble step back), it became clear that they were not, in fact, disembodied, but it was hard to notice anything else. The long brown hair and pale skin could hardly compete with that frenetic energy.

                “Leviii!” Hange cried, exhilarated. “The sentries spotted Titans! Two! Both _abnormals!_ ”

                This produced an apathetic sigh. “So send out a squad.”

                “I did that already,” they waved a hand dismissively. “But you should see them! They’re fascinating. One of them appears to have little claws. It’s only three meters, actually – and it moves so quickly! On all fours, sometimes! The other is incredibly stocky – running much more slowly, but it’s so much bigger that I think it’s just as dangero –“

                “Hange,” Levi interrupted. “Am I needed?”

                “Well, not exactly, but they’re some of the most interesting specimens I’ve ever seen!”

                “As scintillating as I’m sure the experience would be, I need to inspect the newer recruits’ gear. Damn children just give their boots a quick wipedown after splattering mud and Titan and god knows what else all over them. It’s disgusting.”

                “I can’t believe you’re going to miss it!” Hange exclaimed. “Well, I’m going now. Don’t say I didn’t let you know when you hear all the reports and feel sorry you missed out!” Urging the horse into a canter that quickly became a gallop, the experimenter hurried off.

                He’d barely walked ten metres when he heard his name being called.

                “Um… Captain? Captain Levi?” the nervous voice came from Arlert.

                As he turned to face the blond, Levi adopted his trademark ‘why me?’ look, which was a slight variation on his other trademark look (‘I could not give less of a shit right now’). Eren. Hange. Armin. He’d woken up half an hour ago and had already been forced to interact with three people.

                “The squads that were dispatched – they’re having a problem with the Titans,” he informed his captain hurriedly. “The big one isn’t too bad – its skin is unusually tough, so they’re having some trouble, but they’ll get it soon enough – but the little one is moving too fast. Two soldiers are down already.”

                ‘Why me’ became ‘oh dear fucking god why me’. “Fine. I’ll take care of it. Where are they?”

                “About 2 kilometres north-northeast.”

                Levi nodded curtly and turned back towards his tent to retrieve the horse tied outside that he’d saddled just before waking. It was a fairly short walk, as he maintained a swift pace, and he soon placed his left foot in a stirrup and swung onto the animal’s back. He dug in his heels, and then he was off.

                It wasn’t long before the chaos came into view. As Armin had predicted, the larger Titan was down. But the animalistic abomination, though cut in several places, was darting around. As Levi approached, he was forced to watch as its claws caught the cape of one of his soldiers and tossed the unfortunate soul high into the air, opening its mouth to snatch them up as they fell. Fortunately, someone – Jean, it appeared to be – distracted the beast with a quick slash to its Achilles tendon, and it whirled to face him, forgetting the prey it had been playing with. Less fortunately, the soldier still faced a fall of… shit, maybe 8 metres? Probably not fatal, but Levi seriously doubted they’d be able to fight through their injuries. One more soldier useless for the rest of the mission – possibly forever, depending on what they broke and how badly.

                He was within a dozen metres of the Titan when the falling warrior was suddenly snatched in midair by a comerade, who had suddenly fired their 3D Manouevering Device into the small of the abnormal’s back, taking advantage of its preoccupation with Jean. The force and awkward angle at which they were grabbed had probably resulted in a dislocated shoulder, but it was certainly an improvement on their previous situation.

                Upon safely reaching the lower altitude of the Titan’s back, the injured was pushed off by their saviour and hit the ground. Seemed callous, but to an experienced fighter it was an obvious and sensible move. If the other was deprived of their agility by dead weight, the monster would be able to catch them and both soldiers would die. Once their burden was dropped, they fired into the Titan’s forearm, drawing its attention away from Jean. As they landed roughly, their hood fell back, revealing… shit. It was Mikasa.

                Was it even remotely safe for her to be fighting right now? She’d had an obsession with Eren for years. Surely losing him had affected her. And Levi had seen how she fought when Eren was injured – she grew reckless. Endangered herself. Dammit, this was not good.

                He leapt from the horse, intending to baffle the monster with a maelstrom of whirling blades. If he could move quickly enough (and he knew damn well that he could), he’d be able to sever some muscles and then move in for the kill once it was no longer capable of guarding its neck.

                But he didn’t get the chance.

                Mikasa was darting around the Titan’s body, slicing at its legs. It initially tried grabbing her with a single hand, but it soon grew furious and dedicated both arms to the task. It was then, as it left its neck utterly without defence, that she sank her hook into its shoulder and ended the fight with one final blow.

                As soon as the danger had passed, the soldiers left standing abandoned their battle formations and rushed to those who had fallen. Levi stood silently by his mare, arms crossed. He was mildly frustrated. Mikasa probably shouldn’t have been in such an unusually difficult battle so soon after being abandoned by the boy she seemed to consider her world. But it wasn’t as though she’d acted alone. If Jean was here too, that meant one of the squads Hange had sent was theirs. She’d only been following orders; it wasn’t as though he could scold her for that.

                Hange ran up to him, bubbly with excitement. They grabbed his arm, and he closed his eyes briefly as he counted to 10 – rather quickly, which largely defeated the purpose, but was necessary if he didn’t want anyone to realize the extent of his annoyance. And he was quite dedicated to appearing entirely calm under all circumstances, so unnecessarily displaying a feeling like that was something he had an interest in avoiding.

                “Levi! You came! Did you see it? The one with feline qualities was amaaazing!” they were practically squealing with excitement. “Not that I’m trying to insult the other – it was certainly an interesting creature – but _claws_! Have you ever seen that before?”

                “No,” he replied, inspecting his fingernails. They were, he decided, in acceptable condition.

                He felt his arm being shaken. “Come on! Stop and smell the roses! It’s not every day you see Titans like these. You should appreciate it!”

                “No,” he repeated, voice flat. This resulted in Hange sighing and throwing up their hands.

                “Your loss!” he heard them call over their shoulder.

                Levi’s eyes flitted around the battlefield, inspecting the fallen. Most of them seemed to be alive. There were some whose conditions were not readily apparent from afar, but the lack of soldiers slumping over by a body, dejected, and-slash-or cursing indicated that no one was confirmed dead yet.

                Jean was supporting the soldier Mikasa had saved (Marco, as it turned out), who was flinching in anticipation as Sasha placed her hands on his shoulder. The captain hardly blamed him; popping a joint back into place was never a pleasant experience.

                He turned his gaze to another of the wounded, and he heard Marco’s yelp of pain behind him. Connie and Ymir had pulled off their capes as they knelt over Krista; the boy was applying pressure to her leg, which appeared to be missing a significant portion of calf and was marred with holes from what looked like teeth, while Ymir was tying her cape tightly around the blonde’s clawed midriff. The girl looked extremely pale; Levi suspected her wounds would prove mortal, and almost imperceptibly pressed his lips together in anger. Why did it seem that only the youngest members of the regiment had been sent to fight such an atypically dangerous creature?

                “Hange,” he called. His voice was perhaps a bit sharper than normal, but one would have to know him very well to pick up on that. To most, it still sounded unperturbed and uninterested.

                Hange, however, was in fact quite familiar with him. “What’s wrong?”

                “Did you know the Titans were abnormal before you chose these squads to send?”

                “Yes. Why?”

                His eyes narrowed slightly. “You were aware of the extreme danger, and yet you didn’t choose our most elite soldiers.”

                “Mikasa was there,” Hange defended. “The only better choice would have been you.”

                “That’s normally the case, but at the moment Ackerman is…” he trailed off. What was he supposed to say? “Ackerman was a fine choice. But one good soldier can’t babysit a dozen mediocre ones.”

                “They’re hardly mediocre. They’ve survived for – what, four years now?”

                “Considering how infrequently we actually take them on missions –“ government funding had been abominable lately “– that’s hardly surprising. And it’s not as though we take every soldier every time. Some of them have been on fewer than ten expeditions, most of them short.”

                Hange sighed. “These squads were two of the three on watch duty. The other one – Eren’s – wasn’t any older. It would have taken time to mobilize anyone older; they were sleeping.”

                “The Titans were, what, five kilometres away? Spotted by one of the farthest-riding scouts? There was time, Hange.”

                “I… may have been rather eager to see them. The descriptions I was given were… I suppose I should have waited.”

                “I would agree,” Levi said, a bit harshly. “Your knowledge of the enemy is valuable. But not as valuable as their lives. The next time you’re this reckless, I’ll see to it that Smith keeps you inside the walls for the foreseeable future. Is that clear?”

                Hange’s mouth twitched, as though some form of protest was going to emerge from it, but ultimately all they did was nod with a pained expression.

                Levi swung onto his horse again, preparing to ride back to camp. They had to get moving if they wanted to reach the mountain caves by the day after tomorrow. As they were almost entirely dark inside, it was possible that they could be used as a base of operations for farther-flung expeditions.

                As he moved towards the rest of his soldiers, horse maintaining a smooth canter, he spotted Armin riding towards the scene of the battle at a much more hurried pace. His horse was nearly galloping. For all his flaws, not the least of which was his highly questionable taste in men, Armin was extremely intelligent, and Levi didn’t recall hearing any complaints of myopia. Surely he could see that the Titans were down and knew that he wasn’t needed?

                “Arlert,” he called. “What are you doing?”

                “I – I was going to check on Mikasa, sir.”

                Did he know? The pair had Eren as a mutual friend, and had always seemed rather close, but Levi wasn’t certain that Mikasa was the type to cry into a friend’s shoulder about losing her boyfriend to said friend. In fact, he was damn near certain of the opposite. That said, Armin didn’t seem like the type to help someone cheat, so he’d probably been aware of the split before last night. “Why? She’s quite capable.”

                “Well… she… last night… sir, you don’t need to worry about it. I can take care of her. If she’s not – did you see her?”

                “She’s fine. Physically and emotionally. Unexpectedly so, considering the situation.”

                Arlert looked at him strangely. “Emotionally? Why would she not be fine emotionally?”

                Levi was at a loss. Hadn’t the kid just implied he knew a moment ago? “Perhaps you should ask your boyfriend.” He turned away, ready to return to his tent.

                “Eren?” he asked, incredulous. “I’d never seen her so relieved.”

                As always, the change in expression was slight, but the captain’s brow furrowed somewhat as he tried to make sense of what he’d just heard.

                “I was worried that she’d be too relaxed, maybe even to the point of letting her guard down,” Armin explained. Then a wounded look crossed his face. “Do you really think I’d just jump into a relationship with Eren if she were still hurt? That I would rub it in her face like that?”

                “I think that I’ve heard enough of this soap opera. In fact, I’m quite sorry that I asked in the first place.” This was unusual for him. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the soldiers under his command, but he certainly didn’t involve himself in their personal lives. Making an exception was proving to be both bewildering and excruciatingly tedious. “Now go. I’m confident that you’ll manage to send her into a panic, or whatever the hell your recommended treatment for being too relaxed is.”

                “I – yes, sir. I’ll go.” His horse set off at a much calmer pace this time, presumably because its rider now knew Mikasa was fine.

                The silence – thank fucking god, it was about time for some of that – allowed Levi to think. The first thing that came to his mind was a question, and it was a difficult one to answer. Mikasa had been obsessed with the Jäeger kid since they were nine. She’d spent most of her life as his shadow, following and protecting him; they were damn near inseparable. So why the hell did losing him make her feel relaxed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a lot longer than the first - probably because it was initially written a) on the computer and b) in English, so there was no transcribing or translating to be done and the process was much faster.
> 
> Most chapters will likely be around this length or somewhat shorter. Ideally I'll update twice a week, but with university starting soon I don't know if it'll be possible for me to devote enough time to produce two chapters of decent length and quality. So I think that weekly updates will be more likely.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and that there were no unintended canon divergences! I'm working my way through the manga, so I should be caught up soon enough and I'll be able to stop worrying about that, but in the meantime I apologize if those errors do crop up.
> 
> Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear what you think. :)

**Author's Note:**

> I've only finished the anime (about to start on the manga), so I am not totally up to date on the plot events. Hopefully nothing I wrote is horribly against canon that gets revealed later.
> 
> This is the first story I've written in years, so I may be a bit rusty. Please feel free to tell me how I could improve it! :)


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